Truths and Lies
by DinosaurEyes
Summary: Because Rachel Berry has never been good at lying to herself, And it's what Kurt Hummel is best at doing. . . A love story, as told by two highschoolers that are just trying to find acceptance. A little angst, but not much. Please read and review.
1. Rachel

Rachel Berry isn't stupid.

So she knows when she asks Jesse if he really means to go out with her, and it isn't just about glee, and winning and he kisses her by way of answering, she knows he's lying. She can feel his eyes shift away from her and look at something else. She frowns internally, because it's a pretty hot kiss, and unless something like a car is coming towards them – unlikely- he shouldn't be focusing on anything else apart from it.

(_The back part of her mind laughs a little at the irony, considering how she isn't exactly paying attention herself)_

At the end of it she smiles hurriedly and walks out, with one last sentence "no one in glee can find out about this"

Rachel Berry may not be stupid, but she is lonely. And when this handsome boy, who sings and laughs, starts paying attention to her, she doesn't leave, because, damn it. She's tired of being alone, and maybe this nice friendly boy will take her mind off the hurt the other friendly boy in her life has done.

Rachel Berry isn't very good at lying to herself

Rachel Berry isn't heartless.

So when she sees the word FAG spray painted on the locker across from hers, the first thing she does is grab the bottle of paint solvent from her locker and a cleaning rag. She just thanks god owner of said locker isn't there to see her like this. Because she knows that he hates her.

(_The back part of her mind sniggers at her, why would anyone like her?)_

The halls are empty and she works quickly and competently, but the pain was sprayed on last night and she's only gotten the first letter off, whose outline is still clearly visible. She grits her teeth and scrubs harder.

An hour later, when she sees the owner of the locker come through the crowded hallway, she watches out of the corner of her eye as he stops and stares at the almost imperceptible mark left. Then he quickly glances across the crowded hallway, searching in vain for whoever cleaned his locker. She smiles and ducks her head back into her own locker

Rachel Berry does not give up easily.

Rachel Berry thinks she loves pain.

There's quite a good basis for this judgment, actually. She routinely wears hideous outfits that align her in the form of critisism and alienate her even more from her peers. She falls in love frequently with the wrong people.

But Rachel Berry also knows that if she doesn't do something completely ridiculous (honestly- a pantsuit? She has much more style _thank you very much_) then she won't get comments from _him. _She enjoys his voice, even if it's degrading her in more ways than one. Besides it's better than the one time she showed up in jeans and a plain t-shirt, and he didn't notice her at all. Just glances over at her before walking on. So she sticks to sticking out.

Rachel Berry isn't afraid to get slushied.

Rachel Berry is only scared of one thing. Him watching her.

Because Kurt Hummel isn't stupid either, and he's also alone and he also loves pain – how much can you stand when you're the only gay in a school?

But Kurt Hummel is afraid to get slushied (mostly because he likes his clothes) is heartless (she can hear him bitching about her to the others after she lets him share a duet with her on defying gravity) he does give up easily (when Rachel heard him hit that high F she wanted to scream and shake him, because if you have that much _talent _and you_ want _it. You don't ever let what anyone says get to you- she's had her share of late night phone-calls, and concerned parents)

But the one thing that Kurt Hummel is best at is lying to himself. And so he can pretend that her big brown eyes don't make his heart flutter, and when she shared that solo with him he wanted to kiss her, or when she told Finn the truth he wanted to hug her for being so brave (and so utterly _Rachel)_ and when he sees her pushing away the microphone at his first cheerios performance to watch _him, _he can pretend that he only forgot his footwork and nearly missed his cue because he couldn't see past all the band people. And he can ignore the plunging in his heart when he hears about Jesse, and the vicious jealousy and possession he feels when he tells her its glee or him. He can ignore the words that are screaming in his head _pick me pick_ _me pick me!_

And he can pretend that _glaring, _not staring at her.

Kurt Hummel is Very Good at Ignoring Himself.

(_Liar liar pants on fire)_


	2. Kurt

For all the people who wanted a sequel, and because i wanted for them to have a happy ending.

Kurt Hummel is not a fashionable ice block.

His clothes are fabulous sure, but he can hear what the other kids say about him, and it hurts. But he smiles to himself (_grin and bear it)_ because he knows that one-day, they will all work for him, and he will relish the power.

(_The small voice in the back of his mind snorts- what makes you so sure you going to live that long anyway? – he can see the looks they give him, hears the story's)_

He drives home, brushes past his dad with an 'everything's fine' before he continues down towards his basement. Hen he staggers to his shower and turns on the water, maybe the hateful words are being cleansed from his body as easily as the smell of day old garbage is. Then eh drags himself over to his closet, feet on autopilot, roots through his clothes, and pulls out a small box. His hands carefully lift a small-embroidered pillow, which he then hugs. His mom's smell overwhelms him as tears drip silently down his nose as he shudders and rocks back and forth, back and forth.

Kurt Hummel may not be a fashionable ice block, but he is scared and when he maintains this frigid shield, people cant get close to him, can't hurt him with words or leave him (_sometimes he thinks he will shatter if someone leaves him again)_ he doesn't (can't) lower his guard, but when the overbearing girl starts pushing against his blockade with all her might (_his hair! She _ruffled _his _hai_r!) _Then maybe the girl can calm his fears, because he knows that she won't give up, and she won't leave him.

Kurt Hummel isn't very good at ignoring other people.

Kurt Hummel isn't blind

So he knows when he sets his dad and Finns mom up, it isn't a scheme to get closer to Finn (well, not much). He just wants his dad to be happy for once, and maybe giving him a all American son – one who doesn't exfoliate, or moisturize, or who has a post game cleaning ritual- than maybe his dad will finally get the son his dad can be happy with. God knows he tired of uncomfortable silences and awkward conversations at the dinner table – or indeed, anywhere- and most of all he's tired of hearing his dad trip around his sexuality (_he's GAY, not a leper for gods sakes) _just like everyone else has in his life. Except for one, who has never treated him differently because he likes dick, just took it in stride, and has never put him down for it, like he can feel _saint fucking Finn _do silently. But it hurts more than he expected, seeing his dad so obviously happy and at ease around someone, and he just feels like breaking something- why can Finn have so easily what he has to work and work for? – Until he sees the pair of shining brown eyes staring at him in awe when he sings, and somehow, they make everything better. That is, until the next time his dad talks about Finn with that happy, satisfied, isn't -he -a -gift -from -god voice (sometimes Kurt thinks that if it was just him, his voice, and those eyes for the rest of his life, he would be happy forever) but then he is pulled into the conversation, and he has to talk in that high pitched voice that he hates unless he's singing, because it sounds so girly and sets him apart even more, what his clothes and mannerisms didn't do already.

Kurt Hummel can never be 'one of the guys'

Kurt Hummel has always wanted to someone's knight- in- shining armor.

No kidding. It's been a dream of his ever since he was eight, and read the king Arthur stories. Screw sir Lancelot and queen Guinevere and kind Arthur – because if that isn't an ironic metaphor for Puck and Quinn and Finn he doesn't know what is (why must they ruin everything he loves?) except that Queen Guinevere wasn't pregnant with sir Lancelot's child- he has always loved sir Gawain, who was quiet, but just as heroic (if not more) than sir Lancelot. He wants to be a noble knight (_although, sometimes, his mind reminds him – who would want to be rescued by you? Pathetic_) but he knows he is scrawny and weak, and much more likely to cry like a girl or flee in the face of adversary, rather than challenge it. But when he sees Rachel's cowed body in that chair, talking about her nightmares. That doesn't stop him from jumping up and attacking Mr. Schue.

Okay, so maybe 'no ones allowed to humiliate Rachel but us' wasn't exactly what he meant to say (but the fear and anger and worry for her make it hard to word his sentences. He's never been more furious or felt more protective in his life) but he isn't sure _what _he meant to say. However, he looks back over at her, and sees her big brown eyes filled with – well, he doesn't know what, but it makes his heart twang in a way he is sure it isn't supposed to, or at least at the wrong person its supposed to twang at – he thinks she gets the point. And when eh hears about what Finn and Puck did to the vocal adrenaline cars, he only feels a little (a lot) of anger – sir Gawain got left behind while King Arthur and Sir Lancelot rode out to save the day (or in this case, slash tires). He catches her eyes though, and they are sparkling at him, and for a moment he feels so special he forgets to breathe. But then she is looking away and Mercedes is nudging his arm and the moment is gone gone gone and he can pretend he was worshiping Finns heroism with his eyes, instead of Rachel.

Kurt Hummel will never be someone's knight in shining armor. But he can be _Rachel's _(who is most definitely not just s_omeone_) knight in shining prada, and he wouldn't want it any other way, he thinks.

Because Rachel Berry isn't a ice-hearted bitch either (he has heard her defending him on numerous occasions – and Finn, and Artie, and Tina, and Quinn, and Puck, and just Glee in general, but whatever, so not the point) and she has never ever been 'one of the guys' (or wanted one for that matter – they have never been particularly nice to her) and she also isn't good at ignoring people (he can see her eyes fill with hurt when he says something cruel without thinking, and he hates it)

But Rachel Berry has never wanted to be a knight in shining armor (maybe a princess thought, _his _princess perhaps? But that doesn't fit Rachel. A princess isn't good enough for her. Maybe a fairy princess?) And she doesn't wear armor – just really ugly skirts (honestly – have you _seen _what she wears? It's like she's trying to get him to make scathing comments. But he doesn't really mind – well, not much, but those outfits are _hideous- _because it gives him a chance to talk to her without people questioning him) and he knows that she isn't scared of anything (he can hear what the hockey players say to her, and he wants to piss his pants for her, because if he were her, he would be sleeping with a can of mace by his bed, and a baseball bat – no wonder she has a rape whistle. But she just walks away – towards the principal's office, he notices with a certain amount of vindictive glee)

But the one thing Rachel is is blind. But she thinks she gets it when he nervously (he's still gay, she knows, but she thinks (hopes) that maybe she could be special?) kisses her on the mouth. And she blushes a bit (a lot – hey, it's not everyday the person you're in lo – _like _with – who is by the way _gay_- kisses you) and she presses her lips back (it isn't open, because she knows that he isn't ready- baby steps) but then he pulls back his eyes are big – so big – and that stunning aqua and they are just so gorgeous her hearts stops, and she just gaze into them forever. She smiles at him because she knows (hopes) that he has stopped ignoring a small part of himself (okay a big part of himself) for her – _her_. Freaky little Rachel Berry, drama queen extraordinaire, and her heart soar when he smiles back. She leans forward

"Are you sure?" there are so many questions in her voice, and she doesn't think he can answer them all (it's not like you can erase the past eleven years in one kiss)

And then there is a nod, and a nervous shaky little half smile, and she knows that everything is going to work out.

(_Because even sir Gawain got his fairy princess, and Rachel Berry is nothing if not noble, and Kurt Hummel is not – well- Kurt without that bit of fairy princess in him. But even Rachel needs a knight to protect her, and Kurt Hummel needs that immortal princess that he can protect_)

Their fairytale seem may be screwed up to others, especially when they hit roadblocks with Kurt's sexuality and Rachel's clothes and the big roadblock called Finn Hudson – _who does not approve by the way –_ and Kurt wonders why he has chosen this anal retentive perfectionist, who is too loud and bright _all_ _the damn time. _But then Rachel is there, with her eyes (he can't imagine a world without them know, and it scares him – but in a good way), and her passion (which also scares him, but he learns to love it, because without it, she wouldn't be Rachel)_. _And Rachel wonders why she had to fall in lo –_like _with the school gay, especially when it comes to the football locker room, and the little doubts plague her. But then Kurt is there with his voice (the thing she loves most about him – that and well, everything that makes him Kurt) and his unsure-ness (it's a little awkward on their first couple of dates, but they bond over a shared love for Patti Lupone) and she falls in love all over again, because she is sure she has picked the most wonderful guy in school.

And Mercedes thinks Kurt's crazy

("Drama queen? Out of everyone you picked her? Aren't you supposed to be _gay?"_

"either you control your words, or you shut up and get out of my house. And believe me, I'm just as freaked out as you are)

And Rachel can hear the malicious rumors about them ("did you hear? Manhands is Faggot Boy's new gay beard!" – ah, the joys of high school, a place to grow and develop as a human being) But then they see each other, and everything is new again, and what anyone else says doesn't matter, they have each other, and that is enough for Rachel and Kurt, sexuality and perfectionism be damned.

_(Because to them, it's perfect, and they are beautiful)_


End file.
